Make It Out to Kate
by TheOtherHalfBloodPrince
Summary: (Set in the episode "Rise") A day did not go by when Richard Castle did not think about Kate Beckett. She said she needed time, but that was months ago. Now, he's starting to doubt that she will ever return. (the story is much better than the summary, I promise.)


Richard Castle sat at the table, his hands signing his name over and over. It was repetitive, so much so that he felt as though he would be able to keep going subconsciously.

Every time, it was the same –"And who do I make this out to?" "You have a nice day." Richard was getting sick of it. What was the point? Sure, he was happy to know that people were buying his book. Hell, he was overjoyed, but that familiar emptiness found its way inside, constantly gnawing at his emotions.

That emptiness drowned out all of the bliss. In fact, it took away everything, leaving a numb, gaping hole inside of Richard Castle, leaving him with nothing but the recollections which were nothing more than hollow fragments of memories now.

She said she needed time, but she past "needing time" a long time ago. _Months. _It had been months since Castle had heard from her. When will he decide that enough is enough? It wasn't like he could wait forever –that was illogical.

But Kate Beckett was not an entity one forgets this easily. No, Castle was going to remember her till the end of time, he was absolutely certain.

However, his separation from the detective was not the worst part –it was worlds away from it. What really haunted him was the fact that Kate didn't remember the shooting, not a damn second of it. Richard told Kate that he loved her, and he meant it. How can someone forget that? It wasn't fair. Just when Castle got up the courage to profess his feelings to Beckett, it was as though it never happened –it's not like things would be any different if he had kept his mouth shut.

Richard Castle had to pull his eyes away from the book in his hands. He just couldn't bear to look at it for another second. It reminded him too much of Kate –everything reminded him of Kate. From the hand that felt so empty without the warmth of a second cup of coffee, to the rolled eyes at his insane theories, Kate Beckett was everywhere. And there was no way of escaping it.

"Who do I make this out to?" Castle didn't even bother to look up. He didn't need to. He would sign the book and hopefully be out of here within the hour, though Richard had nowhere else to be. He could get some writing done –Castle's publisher was on his case about cranking out the next couple of chapters, but he had lost his inspiration. It had vanished the day everything was shot to hell, along with the woman he loved.

The fear of losing Kate was so real that Castle can still recall the way his hands were shaking uncontrollably and the nervous tapping of his foot as he sat by her bedside and the racing of his heart while he clung to the gentle rising and falling of Kate's chest as the life support machines provided the only hope that she was still here –still hanging on.

"Kate –make it out to Kate," Richard Castle heard the familiar voice wash over his being like waves crashing onto the sand. Could it really be her?

Castle's eyes raised to take in the figure in front of him. The warm smile on Kate Beckett's face –it was really her, not the Beckett that had appeared in Castle dreams. Yes, it was truly her- brought a grin to Castle's face.

But that smile disappeared almost as soon as it came. It didn't feel natural. She left him, without a word, for months. Not days, not weeks, months. And Richard Castle wasn't sure he was ready to face that now –or if he ever would be.

Because that sliver of doubt would claw its way into Richard Castle's mind, leaving no room for anything else. What if she didn't love him? That was a strong possibility. What if Castle wasn't good enough for her?

The fact was, that there was always a chance that Kate Beckett would not experience the same love which he felt for her, and Richard Castle didn't think he would be able to face that.

Not now, not ever. Because there was no Castle without Beckett.


End file.
